I love this!

Bah-humbug and Ma

I'm feeling a little grinchy this evening. It was a hectic and frustrating day. Rion seems to be going through a phase where he is a huge pain in the rear. Add that together with teething baby, cleaning, grocery shopping, and pre-Christmas insanity... I'm ready for a break. **** This is really the first time this year I haven't felt excited about Christmas. I've been so happy with the new baby, and excited over what I'm going to bake, and who is going to be here, and what I'm going to give them, that I haven't had a moment to be a downer. Which is new for me! **** Christmas usually reminds me of my mom, which has a tendency to be kind of depressing, considering she's dead. But this year... any time I have thought about my mom, it's stuff like "Gosh, she would spoil Silas if she was here." or "Mama would be telling me to calm down and chill out right now, treasure the small things." or "Ma would get such a kick out of the random crap Rion says!". I miss her still, but the heart wrenching pain has eased. I'm left with sweet memories. Good lord, it's been six years in a month. I honestly can't believe I've been without her for that long. **** Thinking about my mum has put me a bit of a better mood. She was always happy, even when things didn't go her way. In the midst of cemo, with all her beautiful long hair falling out, and sick as a dog... she still smiled. She was still happy, always, even the last time I saw her. She gave me a small smile, and mouthed "I love you." because she couldn't make the sound. Maybe it wasn't happiness exactly, Peace is probably a better description. So I will strive for peace in my own life, even when it gets hard... cause even as a grown woman, I still want to be like my mama.

Be thankful for what you have...

This past day was rough for my sleeping habits. My baby Silas is teething and kept me up most of the night last night... but the extra time awake in the middle of the night gave me time to think.**** I thought about thankfulness and blessing. How we should always be thankful for what we have, and treat every day as if it is the most important in our life.**** The shooting in the elementary school on Friday has had my mind a whirl all weekend. Dylan is a year older then those poor babies that were slaughtered. I can't even fathom what it would be like to lose him. I cried for those babies and they aren't even mine. Rion came up to me on Friday and asked me what was wrong... i couldn't lie to him. I told him a man went into a school a long ways away and killed people and it had made me very sad. He looked at me and simply asked "was he evil?" I didn't know what exactly to say, was he evil? So I simply told him "He did a very evil and bad thing."**** this world is so hateful and broken. I have seen an explosion of arguments for or against gun control flooding my FB feed. it sickens me that this has turned into a political debate. I like the Mr. Rogers saying "look for the helpers". We should be banding together in times of tragedy not fighting even more. Me and Rion said a prayer for the school and community as soon as he found out. Even though we can't help, hopefully they can lean on God. I want to teach my kids to be the "helpers"whenever they can be.**** I, for one, will hug my babies a little tighter, keep my patience a little longer, smile a little brighter, and try to love a little more... because you never know what day might just be your last. That is what I will do, in remembrance of the children at Sandy Hook.

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time there lived a little girl, who dreamed of Ireland, the perfect man, and a beautiful castle where the sounds of her guitar could echo through the halls, and out through the tall lush grass that danced for miles... She dreamed of poetry and angels, superstitions and prayer, death and beauty... that girl was me. My name is Elizabeth, and with all my dreaming, I never saw myself living the life I now lead. I was always the Anne of green gables, searching for kindred souls and daydreaming out my classroom window. Perhaps it was because I was raised on books. I was always coming up with some fantasy life and living my real life in a daze. With as many problems as I had as a child I can honestly say, that compared to most I led a charmed childhood... simply because I was allowed to. I was the youngest child, and with parents that were thirty-nine and forty when I was born, I was as rotten as a grandchild. :) I, in contrast to my parents, found myself at nineteen with a newborn son that I didn't know how to handle, in a bad relationship, and my mother very ill. I morn the loss of those days. almost seven years later I realize too late that I should have been cherishing every day. I was more intent on parties and "fun". My life has been a roller coaster ride over the past decade, but I have found, it is no excuse to not treasure every moment. Three boys, a wonderful husband, and a beagle later... I am determining to treasure every moment from now on, no matter how may moments I have lost up until now.